What Would You Do With Randy’s Stuff?
I’m in a bit of a quandary. Please bear with me while I explain. This actually does relate to social media, but you’ll need some background before we get to that.
When my wife and I moved into our last home, the previous owner of the house left behind a dresser. It was in acceptable condition, but it was horribly out of style, so I ended up using it for tool storage in the garage. This old dresser made its way to our new house, where it soon became the bane of my wife’s existence. She finally convinced me recently to get rid of the old dresser and replace it with high metal shelves that use our limited space better. The dresser is a very low and wide one (six feet wide at least) and wouldn’t fit into our car, so I decided to take it apart and cut it into smaller pieces that could more easily be taken to the dump. Upon taking out the drawers, I made a discovery.
Under one of the drawers I found stacks of papers. They included letters to girls (never finished or mailed), letters FROM girls, greeting cards, information about applying for college, report cards, a book of matches, an empty carton of cigarettes, some high school newspapers, a folded Styx poster, a picture of a guy with a mullet (the former owner of the dresser?), and two pay stubs. After looking through the papers, I found that they belonged to a teenager named Randy, who lived in Missouri in the mid 1980s.
Understandably, I was excited about my find. Being a child of the 80s, it was much like digging up a time capsule. Reading through the letters, I felt like a combination historian/voyeur. I even started to make plans to use social media to locate the owner of these treasures. My good friend Jeff Kraus suggested I start a blog to find the guy. I thought it would be a fun social media experiment (I bet you were wondering how social media played into this blog post!)
Unfortunately, the fun took a dark turn when I found a small stack of papers with information about teen suicide. I told myself that it was possible the materials were left over from a health class in school. Then, I looked on one of the pay stubs, and found Randy’s social security number (how times have changed!) I hopped on my computer, went to the social security death index, plugged in the number, and found out Randy died in November of 1994. I don’t know the cause of death, but given that he was born in 1967, it was certainly premature.
So, we’ve finally come to my quandary. With the information I have (Randy’s high school, age, where he lived, etc.) there’s a chance I could use social media to find someone who knew him. The question is — do I try? Do I try to find someone who might want these letters and other materials? If a brother or child of yours died prematurely (perhaps at his own hand?) and someone randomly found some of the remnants of his life, would you want them? Is it ethical to reveal details about a person (whether deceased or not) to the world via social media, just because you’re trying to find them or their family?
Let me know in comments. I’d love to hear your thoughts!
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Yes! As a parent, I would certainly want anything that belonged to my child who had passed. I cannot begin to imagine that pain – but I think they deserve to have it. You will do the right thing…always have.
Hmmm, tough call. Can I have the Styx poster?
No, seriously, if there were more personal items such as family history type stuff or more than one picture, some drawings even – I might try to find the surviving family. However, given what you found, most of it (to me) is not worth the effort to try and return. Yes, you’ve got letter to & from girls but you don’t know if those would be welcome or hurtful. And nobody needs a picture of anyone with a mullet.
Would make an interesting social experiment though…
i’m with Ashley. regardless of the mundane nature of the items, i think someone would want to know about them, should the worst turn out to be true!
As a mom, sister, spouse, etc. I would want to have them. Maybe time has given his loved ones a chance to heal and this would be a reminder of happier times.
I would just burn it or throw it away. If there’s nothing really of value. Paystub isn’t important any more. old posters aren’t either. photos were of him and his friends. Probably not something parents would want especially since he died 10 years later. I’d just destroy it and let it go. Sounds like you found a stash hidden by a teenager. The letters would only mean something to him I’m afraid and he has passed on.
UPDATE: I’ve decided to just do away with Randy’s stuff. As some have mentioned, there’s nothing hugely important in there, and it doesn’t seem worth it to potentially dredge up painful memories in his family for stuff like old pay stubs and letters from high school girls.
Thanks for all of the opinions!